Еле нашел "субтитры", потому как несколько шуток мне очень трудно было понять. Хотя не все стали смешные после освоения смысла:) И самое важное! Мой друг сделал утверждение, что актер озвучивает куклу вживую, за что был осмеян. А я проверил на свою голову, теперь сжимаюсь от стыда и удивления, называется это "Ventriloquism" - умение говорить не шевеля губами.
J: Good evening, Achmed. A: Good evening, infidel. J: So, you’re a terrorist. A: Yes, I am a terrorist. J: What kind of terrorist? A: A terrifying… terrorist… Are you scared? J: Not really, no. A: Arghhh, and now? J: Not really, no. A: Aaaargh, how about now? J: No. A: God damn it… Oh.. oh.. I meant a Allah damn it. … Silence, I kill you! J: So, Akhmed. A: No no, it’s Achmed. J: That’s what I said. A: No, you said Akhmed, it’s Achmed, chchchchch. Silence, I kill you! J: How do you spell it? A: What!? J: How do you spell your name? A: Oh, let’s see, A-C-FLEMCH… Silence, I kill you! J: So, Achmed if you’re a terrorist I would supposed you have some sorts of specialty. A: Yes, I am a suicide bomber. J: So you finished… A: What? J: You’ve done your job. A: No, I haven’t. J: But you’re dead. A: No, I’m not. I feel fine. J: But.. You’re All Bone. A: It’s a flesh wound. Silence, I kill you! … What the hell happened to my feet? … Son of the bitch… what the hell… wait a minute… what re you doing……. Stop touching meeeee! I kill you! J: All right just hold on, we’ll fix this. A: Okay, wait, what are you doing? Holy crap I’m in the air … I need some ligaments. J: Just seat still. A: Okay, I will not move my ass. W: You idiot, you don’t have an ass. A: Is that Walter? J: Yes. A: He scares the crap out of me. Please do not put me back in the same suitcase! J: Why? A: He has gas, Saddam’s mustard gas is nothing compared to Walter fart. W: Hahahahaha. A: It’s not funny… he will kill us. J: All right, listen Achmed, I have something to tell you. A: What? J: You really are dead. A: Are you sure? J: Yes. A: But, I just got my flu shot! J: You really are dead. A: Wait, if I’m dead, that means I get my 72 virgins! Are you my virgins? I hope not! J: Why? A: There’s a bunch of ugly ass guys out here. If this is paradise I’ve been screwed! J: Did they say it would be only female virgins? A: Holy crap! … Wait, I could have Clay Aiken. Hahahaha. I told a joke. J: So, listen Achmed, where did you come from? A: Your freaking suitcase. Hahahahaha. I told anoter one! J: Look, if you’ve been in my suitcase all this time, how have you been getting through security at the airports? A: Oh that’s easy! They open the suitcase and I go: Helloooo, I am Lindsay Lohan! Hahaha, I told another joke. I can do this crap too. Okay, here’s another one: Two jews walk in a bar… J: No, no, no. A: What? What you don’t let jews in your bar? You racist bastard! J: No, what I mean is I don’t want racist jokes in my act. A: Oh, okay how about if I kill the jews? No, I’m kidding I wouldn’t kill the jews … No … I would toss a penny between them and watch them fight to the death! Hahahahaha. Yes yes, I did the same thing with two catholic priests, but I tossed a small boy! Yes yes, and the winner had to fight Michael Jackson. J: Achmed. A: What? J: Stop doing this. You can’t tell jokes like that. A: Why not, I’m killing… J: You can’t tell jokes like that, it offenses people. A: Oh… I’m dead, what do I care? What do you want me to do? Knock-knock jokes? J: It would probably better. A: Okay. Knock knock. J: Who’s there? A: Me, I kill you. J: So look, as a suicide bomber, have you had a training? A: Of course we had the suicide bomber training camp. J: Is that a nice facility? A: It used to be. J: What happend? A: New guy.. the idiot tried to practice. J: What did you guys learn from that? A: Location, location, location. J: Do you guys have any kind of model? A: Like what? J: You know, like looking for a few good men. A: We’re looking for some idiots with no future. J: So, where do you get your recruits? A: The suicide hotline. Hahahaha. That was dark, was it not? J: So, what exactly happened to you? A: Eh? J: What happened? A: Oh, if you must know, I am a horrible suicide bomber. J: What happened? A: I had a premature detonation. I set the timer for 30 minutes, but it went off in 4 seconds. you know what that’s like, right? Mister Hurricane? W: Hahahaha. J: So, Achmed, What exactly happen to you? A: Well, I was getting gasoline and I answered my cell phone. Can you hear me now? Ghhh! At first I thought it was because I went over my minutes. J: That’s too bad. A: It’s okay. I took that Verizon bastard with me. J: So… what it’s like to die, do you see white light? A: If you’re dumb enought to watch the explosion, yes! J: No, I mean some people say, when they die they see a white light. What did you see? A: I saw flying car parts. J: What was the last thing that went through your mind? A: My ass. Hahahaha. Walter told me to tell that joke. J: So you never saw a white light? A: No, but I saw a blue Prius. Do you really have one of those vehicles? Hahaha… That is not a car, that’s a lunchbox. Did you know when you’re going down the highway in the Prius and you put hand out the window, the vehicle will tuuurn? J: You did all this for a bunch of virgins? A: Are you kidding me? I’d kill you for a Klondike bar! J: So I guess you are Muslim? A: I don’t think so. J: You are not Muslim? A: No. J: Why? A: Look at my ass. It says: „Made in China“. Walter says I’m just a strinking Halloween decoration. Hahaha… J: So you like being in D.C. A: I think some idiots must live here. J: Why? A: For example, the Washington Monument. J: Yes? A: It looks nothing like the guy… It looks more like a tribute to Bill Clinton. Hahaha… J: What do you think about the Bush. A: Oh, I love Bush. Oh, you mean the president? I&